Last week I shared a brief musing about what I thought Jesus might “tweet” if he were with us now. Today, in observance of Passover, I share some of my musings about Moses, another key religious influencer (KRI) who played a major role in the shaping of one of the most popular books in historical and contemporary culture (second only to “Mein Kampf, which — believe it or not — is still the highest grossing book of all time).
So again, in keeping with the theme of Twitter and other social media platforms that are so critical to contemporary communication, I’ll explore the significant events associated with Moses and how he might craft his own narrative around them were he alive today, starting with his LinkedIn profile: “Thrill-seeking Leader of Israelites who was given up at birth, but adopted later by an Egyptian Princess who was the daughter of the current Pharaoh. Inititated and supervised the Exodus of thousands from the land of Egypt, was temporarily replaced in absentia by “Golden Calf” only to regain Leadership role after returning from Mount Sinai with new business directive/model written on stone precursor to modern thin, portable, touchscreen “tablets.”
And how about Facebook ? What would Mose’s FB page look like? Would he post a picture of the Nile River and say “This is where I had my first boat ride!” I can see him posting photos of the Red Sea with a caption like “Me and my friends at The Red Sea… where ‘parting’ is such sweet sorrow….NOT!” Or, perhaps a photo of the burning bush with a caption that says “This is where it all started… I got my first job and my marching orders straight from the top!” I wonder if Moses would use the Facebook “Live” feature to stream cellphone footage of the Red Sea closing up around Pharaoh’s Army while shouting “Hey, I sure do hope you guys know how to swim! Ha, ha, ha!”
I’m sure Mose’s would be a prolific Twitter user as well if he were around today, with tweets like:
“Sorry Ramses, but I have better hair and Mom always liked me more than you!”
“Yo, Ramses, you may want to re-think that whole ‘bald head with the single pigtail’ thing!
“You think you got rid of me for good Bro? Guess what? I got a round-trip ticket! Dab!”
“Hey look, I know we were in a hurry and all but seriously, no one thought to bring some yeast or baking soda with them?”
“Trust me, just put this stuff of your front door and everything will be fine!”
“Alright millenials, get ahold of yourselves. I was here like, a millennial before you!”
“Sorry about inventing that whole circumcision thing guys, but it seemed like a good idea at the time and I guess I let that go to my head!”
“Love the new tablets they have today….much more gigabytes and a hell of a lot lighter than the ones I’m used to!”
“Sure, you can take these Stone Tablets….. From my cold, dead hands!” (Sorry to borrow your sound bite #ChuckHeston but I did let you play me in a movie once!)
Okay, so now that I have exhausted my Moses musings, I can sit back, relax, and enjoy my Passover and Easter Holidays being the good Roman Catholic-raised-but-married-a-nice-Jewish Girl-then-divorced-her-kind-of-Agnostic-guy! Peace everybody!